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37,243 heart-rending poems in English

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Today's Message of pain

Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.

It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...

Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.

Did you care...

... that no greater man hath subtriculated the monolith than the one who hath manifested odontological callioptery?
... contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?

... Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that vandalism is fukcing queer haha gay?

... a Missouri woman lived for years on ketchup packets? They can be made into excellent flooring if you are careful.
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?

... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
... children were golden in 1999 when bad kids were threatened with Jar Jar Binks figures for Christmas if they did not behave?

... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
... behind every successful man is a hairy ass?

... that some of us are old enough to remember when there were only 3 elements in the Periodic table? Oh yeah, earth, wind, fire and water, so 4.
... antibiotics have failed to rid the Earth of its deadliest organism?

... P.T. Barnum indeed said "There's a sucker born every minute" but that he was talking about aphids?
... that Pennsyltucky is not really the 57th state but is a good source of fiber?

... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?

... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?

Archive – Suggest new entries

Recent deaths

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GOP will have no candidates in 2024

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Today sucks because...

May 18: Eat Your Meat Day (India)

4829 BCE - Oedipus Rex kills his mother and marries his father.
10 CE - Hannibal crosses the Alps and eats his enemies.
1948 - Time Magazine's printing press malfunctions. Time pauses for 5 hours and 23 minutes.
1968 - Donald Trump says something truthful; last recorded occasion.
1972 - Marilyn Manson is born. He cries.
1975 - Humpty Dumpty falls off the Berlin Wall.
1994 - Somebody has sex in Denver.
2001 - Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life is premiered in the USA and received extremely negative reviews, to the point of making Shrek kill 100,000 people.
2006 - The Nike Revolution starts.
2007 - Veggies are outlawed.
2007 - Marilyn Manson smiles, looks in the mirror and then cries again.
2016 - 873 people ask Jacob Tremblay for a selfie, breaking the previous record of 420.
2940 - The first T-rex is spotted since Jurassic times.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured artistry

My heart has been broken... Then taken out and had a bunch of nails put in it.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Poets of the Month

Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.

Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).

The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.

Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!

Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers

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